You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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