Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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