Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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