for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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