OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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