Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
