my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
