Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
