yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think people are normalizing furries
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
