When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
don't judge my taste in strippers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
