I think im going to throw up on grandma
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
