No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you never un-have a 4some
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
