i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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