My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she smelled like a LAN party
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
