Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
