if only i could text you this smell
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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