i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to calm my uterus...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize