Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
