I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Is it because I queefed?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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