Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
