1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize