he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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