dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I intend to get homeless drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
