I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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