Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
