Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize