omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
