i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
