I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
