Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
