I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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