I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
