He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
