soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
