your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
