im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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