I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.