Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie