My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.