none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse