Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up