he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
