I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this boner is exhausting
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
