stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize