so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Green mimosas i think yes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
