i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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