we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
