Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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