Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
