Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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