I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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