Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
