Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
