So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
