I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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