Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
