that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
