I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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