If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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