After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
