It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
