oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
