and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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