there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
