dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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