saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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