I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
